Can't let you go
by DancingIsLikeFlying
Summary: One shot from Harry's point of view. Your world is changing and you can't deal with it.


**Hey everyone,**

**Another short(ish) one shot for you. Written over a couple of late nights after writing essays all day, a bit of catharsis I think. So it may not be any good. First time writing in second person from Harry's point of view. It's starts slowly but I think it gets better a few hundred words in. Reviews appreciated...not sure how I feel about it but your feedback would be great! Anyway, enjoy =) x**

**Disclaimer - Silent Witness and its wonderfully complex characters belong to the BBC.**

* * *

You look across the room at her and your knees give way.

You don't how or what you're feeling until you notice the warmth of the tears rolling down your cheeks, and you sweep them away, the knot in your stomach tightening. Moving closer towards her, you long to hold her to your chest and cradle her in your arms. She was your world, and you couldn't live without her.

You loved Nikki. Hungary had left you emotionally drained and it had taken time to recover. It wasn't easy or overly romantic but you had grown closer to Nikki, and life had become that little bit easier to deal with.

Your heart aches for her, as she lies there motionless. Leo is close behind you, and he lays a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"Harry…"

You want him to say "_It's going to be okay_" or "_Everything's going to be fine_". And as generic as it sounds, you genuinely want to hear it. You need reassurance because you're so close to losing it all, and you couldn't imagine tomorrow without her. But instead he came out with something else.

"Nikki's a fighter, Harry, you know that…"

And the words take the emotional feet from beneath you. Leo couldn't tell you what you wanted to hear because he couldn't give you false hope. He was right, Nikki was a fighter but this was a fight she was struggling to win, like she had in the times before, and you can't bear it.

Pressing your lips to her forehead, you stroke her golden curls before taking her hand in yours, hoping for some response. A few years ago it was Leo laying their unconscious as you comforted Nikki, preparing to let him go. But Leo fought back and every fibre of your being hoped that she would do the same now.

"Come on Nikki…fight for it, fight for me…please...I love you so much, and I ..." You can't quite get the words out as you battle with the lump in your throat. The voices in your head are all warning you there was little hope in her condition and you wipe the tears from your face as you look towards Leo. He knew what it was like to lose it all and could understand how you were feeling; it was comforting to know that your family, if a little dysfunctional, was there for you.

Minutes became hours as you sat there watching for a flicker of her eyelashes or a squeeze of the hand, but there was nothing. Leo and Janet left earlier to let you spend some time alone, but time alone is not what you need, it's time with Nikki, and right now she seemed unreachable even though she's laying right next you. This was becoming unbearable, until her consultant approaches you.

"Mr Cunningham…we've been monitoring Miss Alexander and we have voiced our concerns. The chances of recovery from an injury like this are slim. Perhaps we should start to think about what she would want in her condition?" Unbearable had reached the next level.

What she would want is to be left to fight for life, rather than whimper away silently. She would want to wake up and see you there and hold you and…who are you fooling? You can't lie to yourself. You know what _you_ want. You want her to be your wife, you want to have children together and be a family but you don't know what she wants because she's lying unconscious. You just want what's best for her.

Your eyes fall upon her face once more and you squeeze her hand a little tighter, whispering in her ear,

"Nikki, they don't think you're strong enough to beat this but I know you are…"

Leo and Janet return from taking a rest and their expressions say it all when they see the state you're in.

"Harry, you're tired…take a rest, go home" demands Leo. But you can't leave her side.

"I can't Leo, I can't leave her, they want to switch the machines off, and they want me to let her die…they want me to let her die because she's taking up one of their precious beds…" You're losing your temper and you know it. But it was true; it was all about beds these days. Your body is brimming with uncontrollable emotions; a side effect probably caused by the events in Hungary.

"If I leave I won't see her again, do you understand? They're trying to take her away from me Leo, and I just…I can't live without her, I've only just found her for goodness sake." You can't help but smile at how blind you've been. "We've shared an office for years, had countless dinner dates and only now have I really found who she is in my life. And I can't let that go!"

You feel a gentle pressure in your hand as your eyes shoot to her face. Nikki can't let you go either.


End file.
